I've made a mistake, but I'm going to try to make it right.

"fhrblig" (fhrblig) 01/05/2014 at 23:29 • Filed to: Personal

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Personal post below the GIF, for those who don't care. Fair warning, there is an NSFW pic at the bottom.

I hope this doesn't end up too vague, because I try to maintain some sort of anonymity on the web. I need to get it off my chest, though.

My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years now. He works in retail as a store manager, and I work in logistics. Recently, he's been flying back and forth to another state because a store manager was fired and the store was in utter disarray. He's one of the best managers his company has, so he was the one sent to clean up the mess. While he's been there, his boss and the boss there have dropped hints that they might want him there. He mentioned it to me in passing, and my reaction was, shall we say, less than positive. A big part of that is that I absolutely love living in Colorado and I do not want to move from here ever. I'm also not too high on the idea of moving to a very red state, but since I naturally like the same things that 99% of straight guys like (with one major exception), I usually get along with them just fine and I don't think we'd have to worry too much.

What really scared me the most is that I would not have a job anymore. My company does not operate there, so I'd need to start over from scratch. I've been with this company for almost 9 years now, and it had been intended to be temporary. I'd lost my previous job, and it took me 2 months to get this job. The economy hasn't exactly improved since then. I'd almost certainly end up with a job that pays less than I make now. Since the city we'd be in is much smaller, the prospects for the line of work I'm in would not be thrilling.

However, it's likely that if he were to take this job that it would be a salary increase of 30-40% for him. That would be more than enough to offset my shortfall. Also, the city we'd be in looks like they have a significantly lower cost of living than here. I looked at some houses for sale there, and was floored by how cheap they are. We live in a condo now, but there we could likely afford to buy an actual house with a 2-car garage and a nice yard.

I feel like a dick now for telling him no. Sure I'd lose my job if we go, but I'd be losing a job where I've felt like I've been in a rut for 2-3 years now. They love me and the work I do, but that love has not translated to raises or benefits. Even if I had to work in a gas station, that would at least be a change. The bottom line is, he deserves a promotion and a raise especially with the crap he's had to put up with at his company for the last couple of years.

So tonight when I talk to him, I'm going to tell him that if they offer a job to him at the money he's thinking they'd offer, that he should take it. This whole situation is still hypothetical anyway as there's been no formal offer yet, but I'd rather be a guy who supports their spouse than one who stands in the way of them being happy or successful.

And for any Opponauts that bothered to read through my personal crap, here's a pic of a hot girl. Or what I'd guess is a hot girl. I don't have a good eye for them.

liquid1036 > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:32

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Good luck, hope everything turns out well!

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:34

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*snicker snicker* too high.. colorado... sorry. Couldn't resist.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:34

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I hope everything works out with you two. Always nice to hear about a healthy couple.

Aaron James > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:36

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You chose the pic very wisely lol. I think it great that you want to support your partner. Change is Scary, just let him know you were scared of it at first instinct but want to do whats best for both of you. Good luck, I'm sure it will all work out well.

getchapopcorn > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:36

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I sounds like you've searched yourself for this one, which is good. Whatever choice you ultimately make, just make sure it won't be one you regret and begrudge.

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:36

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Personally, if my wife was offered a job that would support the family, and I'd have to maybe make the change to a stay at home dad and maybe take a part time job, I'd do it. Finding the right person to be with is much harder than finding a job/career. And, that is a very hot girl. No question on that.

offroadkarter > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:36

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Theres only one "red state" I know of that people are "afraid of"

would this state be texas?

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:39

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Bottom line. Which one of your "anchors" means more to you, and which do you want to spend the most time with? From the outside, that's the question. Do you question the relationship? If deep down you think the relationship is about to go belly up, than that might make you think you need to stay. If you want to spend time with your partner, run with it. That is all

*by anchor, I mean things that keep you in place, not things that weigh you down. Also, she seems to have a few aftermarket mods, but they seem somewhat tasteful, so well done. Also that pay bump in a smaller city might be significant enough to replace your salary altogether, at least long enough for you to get a job you like.

Rattleface Blouses > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:40

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To quote the great Jimmy Durante, you've gotta give a little, take a little; let your heart break a little; that's the story of, that's the glory of love.

Also, nice choice in lady.

Nibby > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:41

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Everything will work out, just hang in there!

Also... dat girl is

RacecaR > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:43

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You've only made a huge mistake if you never tell him about your change of heart. Communication is key to a relationship. No matter what happens, good luck to you two!

Jayhawk Jake > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:44

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As long as you're happy with him, you can't go wrong with going along with the move. Just be sure your comfortable with it, but it sounds to me like you are most of the way there.

I was on the other end of a marginally similar situation. I had a long distance girlfriend who moved in with me here. She couldn't find a job, missed where she moved from. She was miserable, and nothing I tried helped because she wouldn't let me do anything to help. Eventually she left me, picked up and moved out without warning while I was out of town for a weekend.

I guess what I'm saying is keep in mind that it's good for the both of you, and if you do move make it work, and don't be afraid to be open if you aren't happy.

Also, good job on the girl. She's attractive lol

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:44

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Change is tough but it can yield fruits you'd never even see coming.

I left my job at an aircraft repair station in Miami, which paid $12.75 an hour, to come back to Puerto Rico and try to finish my bachelor's. I'm living with my father now since I'm unemployed but I really feel like I'm making progress towards my goal of becoming a pilot, first private then commercial.

I've also met a lot of people since I've come back that have been really good friends and are very supportive of my efforts.

These are things I would have never experienced had I kept my decent paying yet dead end job.

The first step is always the scariest one but little by little, one walks far.

Dusty Ventures > offroadkarter 01/05/2014 at 23:44

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West Virginia, Arkansas, Alabama, and Mississippi are also potentially on the list, depending on various factors.

Rattleface Blouses > offroadkarter 01/05/2014 at 23:45

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People are afraid of Texas, but not Alabama? The mind boggles.

phenotyp > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:48

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You work in logistics? Every place that's a place needs logistics. So the job thing should be less of a concern than possible quality of life considerations. It's tough. I work in a very specialized field, in which there are very, very few opportunities where I live. I moved back the the City of Opportunity in early 2012, and have since come back, because life was just better, and decided I'd figure out how to make shit work, rather than relying on others. Too soon to tell how well that's all workin out.
It really depends on what the most important thing is, here. Could you both get by, making good money, living in different places and trying to make it work? Or does one of you have to give up a "dream" job?

For Sweden > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:52

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Can you get a place with a garage? Is he OK with you rally-prepping a Chevette in said garage until you get a job?

fhrblig > offroadkarter 01/05/2014 at 23:52

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It is wrapped around part of Texas.

fhrblig > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 01/05/2014 at 23:55

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I'm definitely more anchored to him than anything else. But I really do love it here. Colorado is the place where I feel I belong. The more I've thought about it, though, the more I realize that he's more important to me than living here.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > fhrblig 01/05/2014 at 23:58

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personal experience speaking here. regret sucks. It sounds to me like you are at a crossroads that will set your life happiness, for the rest of your life. Don't let something as trivial as employment get in the way of what you want. There will always be money to live on. It may not always be comfortable, but financial misery is easier than than living alone with someone.

fhrblig > phenotyp 01/06/2014 at 00:03

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The business I work for is not specific to one field, which helps. In smaller cities, the sort of logistics I'm in tends to become very specific. That can leave you susceptible to downturns if a specific industry suffers one. I think I'd probably look for work in another field.

fhrblig > For Sweden 01/06/2014 at 00:05

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You mean a Chevy Sprint Turbo, right? Already two steps ahead of you.

fhrblig > RacecaR 01/06/2014 at 00:06

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Thanks. Still, I feel bad about reacting the way that I did.

For Sweden > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:08

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I like the cut of your jib

fhrblig > Jayhawk Jake 01/06/2014 at 00:09

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That sucks, man. Hopefully it worked out in the end, though.

I wouldn't do that to him. It's like I told him, I'm like a tick. He'll need tweezers and a match to get rid of me.

TyFc3s-A car hating millennial > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:10

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I say change is always good, you said youve been in a rut for the last few years so i think this is good for you. plus, if youre really good at what you do and have been at a copany for 9 years, im sure then that you will have no problem getting a new job.

That being said i just watched Red State (great movie, everyone here go watch it fucking nowww on netflix), and that has me a little freaked out about those areas (and im not even gay), but that shouldnt even really be brought up. you might face some very close minded people who might not like you because of your sexual orientation, but im sure it will be offset by the people you meet who wont have any problem with it.

to make a very long and rambly post short: Do it, it will be good for you

fhrblig > TyFc3s-A car hating millennial 01/06/2014 at 00:19

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I grew up in Colorado Springs (though I was closeted) so I've been a little battle-hardened. Also, most of my family on both sides are gun-toting conservatives, but none of them have ever shut me out. Even the aunt that is super-Catholic has been accepting. His family is great, too. It turns out when people get to know us, they tend to realize we're not a big, scary, nebulous evil thing to be feared. So my fears about that sort of thing started to diminish years ago. I'm still not moving to Mississippi anytime soon, though.

fhrblig > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma 01/06/2014 at 00:19

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Thanks!

TyFc3s-A car hating millennial > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:24

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Well thats good (in a bad, sad way). And youre just reinforcing my point, you've never lived outside of Colorado! all the more reason to make a change, after college im moving as far away from jersey as possible.. thinking England atm.. and i think that people should try to experience all they can. You dont want to still be in this same rut 10 years from now, do you?

revrseat70 > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:25

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As somone whose lived in several southern states, I'd say its honestly more of a city by city thing or neighborhood by neighborhood thing. Many Texas cities, Nashville, Raleigh, and others are huge melting pots! I have friends who are homosexual, and I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who has treated them unjustly. Its all about finding the right people to be around. Just like any lifestyle, people generally talk a big game when no one is around, but aren't going to deliberately hurt someone in person, unless they are in their face about it. I've seen more arguments about conceal and carry IN THE SOUTH than I have about homosexuality these days. There will always be awful people. There's sin in this world, and people who are not trying to love others and do more for others than themselves are going to do the opposite. It sickens me that people, even if they claim to be Bible Belt Christians or accepting people, just aren't. But those people are the small percent with the biggest mouths. Every group has those types of people, but I pray you don't find people like that. I agree with the earlier statement. This is a choice, and you have to decide what anchors are most important. I don't know where you're considering moving, but many southern cities (especially in Texas and the ones I mentioned earlier) are the fastest growing cities in America. This could mean a possibility for you to find opportunities there. Just don't let fear guide you. My wife had never moved before in her life when we met. We were married for a month before we moved half way across the country. Now, she loves where we are, and wouldn't have it any other way. Its late so I'm rambling. I just pray this helped.

offroadkarter > Rattleface Blouses 01/06/2014 at 00:30

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yeah I know right?

JGrabowMSt > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:34

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You shouldn't though. I know some people might disagree with this, but if your significant other can't handle your reaction to something (favorable or otherwise) then that's a big red flag.

In the end though, you need to do what's right for you. From the sounds of it, your significant other is a lot more important to you. Think of it this way: maybe you move out of colorado for a while, you get a different job, the two of you make a little extra, you put a nest egg together, and later if life, you can go back. The state is not on wheels getting ready to drift off into the sunset to chill with Hawaii, so I think (I can't be 100% certain) you're okay with it.

In the world of possibilities, maybe a new store will open that your other half will be able to become a manager for back in Colorado. Always worth looking on the bright side.

Uncertainty is okay! Just like you may not be quite certain about that lovely lady, let that be a metaphor for your future. You may not know if you're doing the right thing, but if you give it enough time, it will all work out. As others have said, communication is the most important thing for you right now. If you have to backpedal a little bit and bite your tongue, or admit you were wrong, do it. My girlfriend has very bad PTSD, and while that's not really relatable to your situation, the amount of times I've had to backpedal and stay up late to be there for her, I couldn't count. Even with all that, it's communication she and I need for our relationship to stay strong. Admit you're uncertain, lay out your uncertainties. Tell him you've looked at the *logistics* about it (be amusing, it helps break the ice), and be open. You're already there, it's just time to get it all out to the person who needs to hear it. You'll both be better for it.

fhrblig > TyFc3s-A car hating millennial 01/06/2014 at 00:36

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I was born in Michigan but we moved here when I was 4, approximately 150 years ago. Ok, it was the end of the 70's but it feels like 150 years. I've traveled to lots of places around the country (and out of the country), but the only place that ever has struck a chord with me is here in Colorado. It's the perfect blend. I live in Aurora, on the east side of the Denver metro area. I love living in a city, but the best part is that I'm only ever 30 minutes away from the mountains, and some of the most breathtakingly beautiful areas on earth. The weather is great here. Yes, it snows sometimes but 300 days of sunshine per year is hard to beat. Also, Denver Broncos.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:37

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Well, best to luck for the both of you.

Manuél Ferrari > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 00:38

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I would try to give advice but I'm crap at relationships. I tend to make mistakes at the worst possible time then waste a long time trying to make things right, when things never become right again. And I don't mean cheating or anything like that, but just bone headed stuff.

Hopefully guys are more forgiving of guys than girls are. I swear girls are like cats. You piss them off really bad once and they never really forgive you.

Great job on the pic selection. That's one of the hottest pics I've seen in a while!

fhrblig > Manuél Ferrari 01/06/2014 at 00:59

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I can't speak for every gay couple, but our relationship has been very drama-free. It's a little surprising, because I've met his family and the drama runs deep with them. They're good people, they just definitely have the drama gene.

fhrblig > Rattleface Blouses 01/06/2014 at 01:01

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I'll take Texas over Alabama or Mississippi any day.

Jayhawk Jake > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 01:02

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For one party sure, she's getting married at some point.

I on the other hand have been single since, learned to loathe the dating scene here and generally resigned to the fact that I will likely be single for many years to come. At least I have a cat, car, and bitchin home theater system!

fhrblig > Rattleface Blouses 01/06/2014 at 01:06

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You know what I think the problem is? I need to stop being a pussy. Seriously, the only real fear I have (other than spiders) is the fear of the unknown. Yet, WITHOUT FAIL, every time I've taken the plunge and done something new and different it's been a good experience. Every damn time. So when do I finally learn?

Manuél Ferrari > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 01:06

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Then you'll probably be ok!

Good luck!

fhrblig > Jayhawk Jake 01/06/2014 at 01:13

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I'd give you dating advice, but gay guys tend to do things out of order and I'm not sure that would work in a hetero environment. For example, this is the progression my partner and I went through: 1. Have sex. 2. Go to dinner. 3. Introduce ourselves. 4.??? 5. Profit.

TyFc3s-A car hating millennial > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 01:34

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yea well.. that sounds pretty cool.. lol, stop arguing though and give it a shot for your partner and the possibility for a better life lol

Jayhawk Jake > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 01:43

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Yeah I don't think that's ever going to work for me...

m2m, apex detective > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 06:45

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This. Confidence is key to many a scenario. You also seem to be quite aware of your qualities, so act accordingly. ;)

timateo81 > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 07:36

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I can understand. my job is very specific and there aren't a ton of people who do this type of work. also the nature of my work is at odds with the nature of my wife's, so inevitably we do not work near each other ( we're both civil servants kinda, but I will always work in a city and she will always be in a rural area).

take a chance. especially if you're in a rut - might turn into something really different AND cool

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > fhrblig 01/06/2014 at 10:54

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Yes that's a hot girl. I've stared at the photo way too long for it not to be.

rotundapig > fhrblig 01/08/2014 at 09:08

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The way I ended up in Colorado Springs was that I followed my girlfriend out here from NC after we graduated. The two most difficult parts for me were:

1) finding a job .I moved in 2010 and was looking for a job as an aerospace engineer when the government was having fiscal calamities canstantly, so it took me a full year to find a "real" job.

2) finding friends. It's been 3 years and I really haven't made friends here, at east not anything like the fiends i had in NC.

I don't regret the move; it was the right thing to do, but when my GF finishes with school, we will be thinking hard about moving back to NC. So my advice would be to go if it makes financial sense, and put in at least as much effort, if not more, in finding fun people to hang out with as finding a job.

to follow my own advice: Know anyone fun to hang out with in Colorado Springs?

fhrblig > rotundapig 01/08/2014 at 16:58

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I moved to Colorado Springs when I was 4, and mostly grew up there. I moved to Denver in 95, and most of the friends I had there have moved on too, so I can't help you there. But I can tell you to try Leon Gessi's pizza over by Palmer Park and Union. We went there a lot growing up and they're pretty good. BJ's Velvet Freez is just around the corner, and they have great ice cream.

boobytrapsandtreasure > fhrblig 01/09/2014 at 10:58

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Yes, that is a hot girl. This heterosexual thanks you for the eye candy.

We've all been or will be in your shoes at some point. I think you are making a good decision.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > fhrblig 01/15/2014 at 21:16

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ehem.... you did sort this, right?

fhrblig > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 01/15/2014 at 22:01

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I've been a little busy, so I haven't had time to post a proper update. But yes, there's no problem. It's not going to happen, fortunately. Neither of us really want to move there, so we're both happy. He's still stuck there until next Friday, and he'll have to go back once they hire a manager because they want him to train them. But we don't have to go anywhere, and he never took my reaction to mean I wouldn't support him if it happened. I'm lucky!